Rant

One day, you wake up and your face feels different. The smile lines are gone, the tension of a repressed laughter in your mouth disappears, and you don't feel the urge to even yawn anymore. You don't rub your eyes, the light of the morning doesn't seem overwhelming or welcoming anymore. It feels like nothing... just light coming in through the chinks of your curtain. You get up from your bed, widen the chink, look at the endearing sky of the dawn, and your body doesn't urge you to stretch. You don't even feel the desire to take a breath of the fresh smell of the morning.

You walk into the kitchen, make your cup of morning coffee... nothing... the aroma doesn't make you feel any different anymore. You open the door to your front porch, pick up the newspaper, leaf through it like you've become too used to the everyday blood and gore... it doesn't disgust you or frighten you or shock you anymore. You finish your cup of coffee.. and you still feel as morose as you did when you first woke up. A faint voice inside your head tells you that the shower might help... but you find yourself involuntarily, almost automatically, shaking your head to the invisible voice. Of course, actions speak louder than words... especially words that noone can hear. You dress up, wear you favorite perfume, paint your eyes... but the kohl that once made you feel exotic only highlights the darkness in your eyes... A sigh, a deep breath and you're off to work.

Nothing much changes. It's your friend's birthday. You go to the party because he had been there at yours. The only thing that you still believe in - the karmic cycle. The stillness of your face overwhelms you, but not enough... The party's over now. You sit in a cab... plug in your ipod and listen to the song that screams the despair of your life, that circles the stains on your innocence that never was. You roll down the window because the wind in your hair makes the drama of your life more real. You're home now. You open the front door, the staircase is too intimidating. Ten steps up seem like ten morbid lives to endure. You take one step and your body gives in to the fatigue of your mind. The tears still don't come out... if only they would, you would be happy.

Life.