Days of absolute nothingness, i have had ample time to reflect, to recreate my personal universe... and i have come to realize many new absurdities of life... my own irrationalities, my fears, my hopes... and those of everyone else.

In its absentia, when my world went crazy for a while, I realized how important sisterhood is... Both my girls, my lifeline, on different continents, and I seem to have modified my beliefs... isn't life just so funny?? You spend years believeing that a certain thing is important, but one fine day, the most unassuming thing goes away from you, and what you thought were your strongest beliefs are uprooted. ... and i am wondering... how valid is all oour ranting about being independent, strong women...? All of us here, stuck in singledom, we have made ourselves believe that we are happiest in our solitude... but solitude survives only in company. We tell ourselves that we are alone because we don't have a man, but we never acknowledge that we have each other, and that is really what keeps us going in this madness! All the talking about futile flings, failed relationships, unfulfilled loves makes it easy to pull through. We all, together, glorify our loneliness, and dissociate the pain from it. Like the Piano Man would say, loneliness is a drink we all share...

I can never stop marveling at what is becoming of us... our world seems so far apart from everybody else... yet, it isn't. It's not dual lives anymore that we are living... it's three, four, even five! And we're all losing our sanity soon. There's a breaking point for all of us...

There's so much going through my mind right now. Too many thoughts, not enough words. Speaking of which, are words ever enough?? Do words really help us or do they just undermine our experiences? Whenever I read something that I had written in the past, I always find my experience of it as a reader so devoid and empty and incomplete. One can never feel the same thing twice in the same way. And then I wonder, how accurate is communication? Perhaps that's why the world is in such a chaos...